More Senior Colleage: I had such a great working relationship with my drillers. We were the best of friends! They adored me! They even gave me a pink hardhat and I loved it!
American Colleague: (derision) I would never have worn that hardhat! That’s stupid. I’d hate to be identified as some pink hardhat wearing person.
Me: (nods in agreement with American Colleague.) I know, she’s such a girl for wearing that.
Later on, I thought to myself that I did really want that hard hat. I would love a pink hard hat. I wanted to wear it and I wanted to wear it happily. I wanted the approval of my American Colleague more, so I nodded and smiled and went along with her (frankly) anti-feminist views about what sort of women would wear pink on a field project.
This kind of woman.
I don’t want to flaunt my femininity, because I feel that would lead to more problems than I could handle – not the least of which would be the loss of respect from my colleagues, co-contractors and drilling team for being a ‘girly girl’ but then I think to myself, “goddammit I am a woman, why am I playing at being something other than?” I shouldn’t be ashamed of it, I shouldn’t be shamed into hiding it or groveling for approval by pretending to be someone I’m not so that I’m seen as ‘one of the guys’ and not really one of those icky, silly, useless (except for fucking) girls.
It’s a no-win situation. However I chose to perform my gender I’m not going to make someone happy. I’m too femme for field. I’m too butch for the office. It doesn’t matter what I do, I’m not going to conform to someone’sidea of what I should be doing.
So, I make myself happy. I feel better when I have my makeup on when I’m in the field. I feel better when I wear flats instead of stiletto heels in the office. I am trying hard not to give a fuck what people think of me. I am a good geologist, and I know that. I do my job in the field, I do my job in the office and I do it damn well. Take issue with my pink hard hat, take issue with my jeans in the office – I don’t care. My science speaks for itself and I’m done letting the approval of other people determine what I should look like or sound like or act like while I’m doing my job.
For the most part.
Halite 
